Hating the WNBA and Being Sexist Are Not Mutually Exclusive (Yet)

Been a while since I wrote something, and I think that's just the world being a slow summer for sports. American sports, anyway.

But I will say I'm looking for an anti-WNBA argument that's not fucking sexist.

1) The women aren't attractive
-- Granted, this argument is so 2007, but it's a disgustingly sexist argument and the fact that it was EVER used, when the league was formed in 1996, or in any year before it, is utterly ridiculous, and embarrassing for my entire gender. You don't see women with posters of Shaquille O'Neal or Larry Bird or Chad Ochocinco adorning their bedroom walls as part of some sex fantasy. They can fucking PLAY. I wasn't aware perky tits was a requirement for draining a no-look 3.

2) They can't dunk
-- If you use this arguement, you're not even a fan of basketball, so you have no business registering an opinion. Just turning on basketball for dunking is like just turning on baseball for the home runs, or turning on football for the 50-yard touchdown pass, or 60 yard field goal. FUCK YOU. Learn what a goddamn triangle defense is, you fucking child.

3) Season-ending pregnancy
-- This is the 3rd most common argument I've heard, only on message boards so far (you'd be surprised how few people want to talk about the WNBA in real life... okay, maybe you wouldn't be surprised), and I admit the phrase is a little bit funny, if only because it's not something we as a culture have had to deal with so far. But it's a whole let less embarrassing than "Turf Toe," or the extremely embarrassing (after you google it) "Tommy John Surgery." How long until we as a culture show less disgust with pregnancy than a man with arteries too clogged to even allow him to stand on the sidelines and read from a clipboard? Maybe "pregnancy" sounds too soft and unserious (to a dude). Let's rename "torn ACL" to "dead leg disease" and then maybe you'll have a leg to stand o-- okay, bad example, but you see what I'm saying. At least when a mother returns to the court next season, she can point to the child and say, "That's better than having any trophy." As opposed to a male, who has a cast on his leg for six weeks and sits around eating Doritos.

4) Boring
--Watch the game, cuz. The movie you watched last week wasn't "boring" because nothing exploded the entire time. How many explosions happened on "The Wire?" There's action beyond scoring, and while a between-the-legs bounce pass might not be exciting enough to make the ESPN highlight reel, (a) that shit's not easy to do in double coverage, and (b) when your mother was that age, people looked at any female oddly if she was out of the house, let alone wearing gym clothes.

So that's what was on my mind, anyway. Next time, I try to reconcile my amusement with soccer, and hatred of hockey.

Say hi to your mother for me.