Hi! This blog is linked to a Twitter account and the Blog never updates itself! That's no way to go through life, son.
Donald Sterling made some racist fucking comments this week, and the articles are all, "ALLEGEDLY," but if that's not his fucking voice then why are you reporting it. This isn't "innocent until proven guilty," he didn't "allegedly" murder a homeless prostitute, it's not illegal to be a racist douchebag. If I do a mean Aaron Rodgers impression, and post a video to Youtube of myself saying in his voice that all fucking Canadians Must Fucking Hang, that's not an investigation, an that's not fucking news. Because you know it's not him.
And if it's not him, Sterling has a pretty fucking large case against ESPN, I'd say, and that's real. That's some judicial shit that's gonna HAPPEN.
But being racist? He fucking did that shit, and it's news because it's truth. Donald Sterling is a fucking racist.
Now what's offensive to me (other than all the racism, which rest assured, is extremely goddamn offensive), is that somehow TODAY Donald Sterling is a fucking asshole. Not the last 20 years where he ran an NBA franchise into the ground while simultaneously wasting money on pet projects and younger women, no, that's all socially acceptable for a billionaire. But RACISM? Whoa there buddy, hold the fucking phone, being a shitty owner is just fine but you better be nice to all the people you hate EQUALLY.....
This is a news-driven story, maybe they are just lemmings jumping onto a story of a semi-famous person staying some stupid shit, but you know what? Being a professional sports owner who values a profit over a championship... you don't get points for that, either. You're fucking human filth and can we have a conversation about this? There's an owner like you in every pro sports league, who just goes through the motions and does the minimum amount and makes sure there's money being made, even if the team finishes with a .300 winning percentage year after year.
Fuck those guys, homie. And trust me, they're all guys. Old white guys. And that one dude who owns the Jaguars.
Can we get a weekly story on how fucking useless they are? Thanks. Peace out.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Am I a Goodell, or a Bad Ell?
Hi.
Trying to get in the habit of doing this once a week, but it's difficult not because of "blah blah time real life blah" as most people would claim, but simply.... where does one begin? There's so much ridiculousness that when it seems like you're just shouting into the air, and no one is listening, what is the point of even shouting?
And then I think to myself, "That's how George W. Bush got elected."
Speaking of institutions that have nothing to do with voting: Large, faceless corporations. Specifically, the NFL.
For the longest time, the NFL didn't even have a commissioner (which is a great name, and why is there no Dark Knight parody of this yet?), so finally Roger Goodell was named, who had the benefits of 1) not being a former owner of an NFL team, i.e. getting the job based on net worth, and 2) not being a total fucking idiot.
These first two points are, of course, shots at Bud Selig and Gary Bettman, respectively. The third commissioner in need of being mocked, David Stern, is a power hungry control freak, of which Goodell has also been accused.
Now I'm not actually following this story as close as most angry internetters, mostly because it's very hard to give a shit when a commissioner is actually doing his job, but here's the situation:
1) Roger Goodell is chosen commissioner.
2) Roger Goodell cracks down on concussions.
3) Roger Goodell throws the fucking book at the New Orleans Saints for the bounty "scandal."
Let's take these in order. (1) .... duh. (2) Good. It's still a problem, but these are grown men crashing into each other with the force of Mack trucks. If we wanted to protect from concussions completely, we'd all go home and play golf. You want better protection? Hire better doctors. OH AND ALSO give the players better motivation to not lie about their condition. If you've just been hit in the head, but two more catches nets you an $8 million bonus? That's math anyone can do. Even Bud Selig. (okay, probably not Bud Selig).
As for (3), the first Super Bowl I ever watched was Super Bowl XX. There were some nasty hits from a nasty Chicago Bears team that season, and bounties are nothing new, not ever. Does anyone remember pictures of numbers written on towels, said towels hanging from players waists? This happens time and again. You want to crack down on it? Fine. You want to call it a "scandal?" No, fuck you, this is a slow news day. If Vince McMahon were a little smarter, and took less steroids, the XFL would still be around today, with bodies piling up and lawsuits flying in from every direction, but dammit, people will pay good money to see violence. (SPOILER: People do not go watch NASCAR because they are fans of the left turn).
So he's doing fine. It's a position that serves at the pleasure of the NFL Board of Directors, so the real problem here is: NFL owners. They're in for life, essentially, or until they decide to sell. I've been waiting for the owner of the Houston Rockets to die for fifteen years, but more importantly, when is Donald Sterling (he of the NBA's Clippers) gonna kick the bucket? He's been running that team into the ground for ... the entire time he's owned it, and with success happening this season, it's only a matter of months before he sells the best players for pennies on the dollar for "prospects" because as long as he's making a profit, why bother trying for a trophy? He just got lucky this year. Like that one time the Arizona Cardinals made the Super Bowl. Will not be happening again in our lifetime (unless the team gets sold to someone not an idiot).
Speaking of all that (fingers crossed), Bud Adams turned 90 in January. When he dies, the Titans are done. He's a fire-breathing dragon (nee Dinosaur) in the same way Al Davis was, but once Al died, the team got even worse (as if that were possible). Long-time Lakers owner Jerry Buss died recently as well, and while I have nothing negative to say about Buss-- I may hate his team, but he actually worked toward winning Championships (except when he got rid of Shaq) -- the team has become absolute shit since he gave up control. Kobe will never win another ring. That team is over, the new guard got there because of who their family is, not because of competence.
So I'm looking forward to the Titans tanking it for the next 50 years. The Colts are there as well-- they have a decent rookie QB, but that means nothing with an inferior team around him and a front office who does not know how to build one. And with Lucas Oil stadium, they don't NEED to build one... asses in seats means a profit. Why improve?
Next week (if there's a next week), March Madness. Oh, and what is this "America 12" shit? Oh, fucking fuck Christ.....
Trying to get in the habit of doing this once a week, but it's difficult not because of "blah blah time real life blah" as most people would claim, but simply.... where does one begin? There's so much ridiculousness that when it seems like you're just shouting into the air, and no one is listening, what is the point of even shouting?
And then I think to myself, "That's how George W. Bush got elected."
Speaking of institutions that have nothing to do with voting: Large, faceless corporations. Specifically, the NFL.
For the longest time, the NFL didn't even have a commissioner (which is a great name, and why is there no Dark Knight parody of this yet?), so finally Roger Goodell was named, who had the benefits of 1) not being a former owner of an NFL team, i.e. getting the job based on net worth, and 2) not being a total fucking idiot.
These first two points are, of course, shots at Bud Selig and Gary Bettman, respectively. The third commissioner in need of being mocked, David Stern, is a power hungry control freak, of which Goodell has also been accused.
Now I'm not actually following this story as close as most angry internetters, mostly because it's very hard to give a shit when a commissioner is actually doing his job, but here's the situation:
1) Roger Goodell is chosen commissioner.
2) Roger Goodell cracks down on concussions.
3) Roger Goodell throws the fucking book at the New Orleans Saints for the bounty "scandal."
Let's take these in order. (1) .... duh. (2) Good. It's still a problem, but these are grown men crashing into each other with the force of Mack trucks. If we wanted to protect from concussions completely, we'd all go home and play golf. You want better protection? Hire better doctors. OH AND ALSO give the players better motivation to not lie about their condition. If you've just been hit in the head, but two more catches nets you an $8 million bonus? That's math anyone can do. Even Bud Selig. (okay, probably not Bud Selig).
As for (3), the first Super Bowl I ever watched was Super Bowl XX. There were some nasty hits from a nasty Chicago Bears team that season, and bounties are nothing new, not ever. Does anyone remember pictures of numbers written on towels, said towels hanging from players waists? This happens time and again. You want to crack down on it? Fine. You want to call it a "scandal?" No, fuck you, this is a slow news day. If Vince McMahon were a little smarter, and took less steroids, the XFL would still be around today, with bodies piling up and lawsuits flying in from every direction, but dammit, people will pay good money to see violence. (SPOILER: People do not go watch NASCAR because they are fans of the left turn).
So he's doing fine. It's a position that serves at the pleasure of the NFL Board of Directors, so the real problem here is: NFL owners. They're in for life, essentially, or until they decide to sell. I've been waiting for the owner of the Houston Rockets to die for fifteen years, but more importantly, when is Donald Sterling (he of the NBA's Clippers) gonna kick the bucket? He's been running that team into the ground for ... the entire time he's owned it, and with success happening this season, it's only a matter of months before he sells the best players for pennies on the dollar for "prospects" because as long as he's making a profit, why bother trying for a trophy? He just got lucky this year. Like that one time the Arizona Cardinals made the Super Bowl. Will not be happening again in our lifetime (unless the team gets sold to someone not an idiot).
Speaking of all that (fingers crossed), Bud Adams turned 90 in January. When he dies, the Titans are done. He's a fire-breathing dragon (nee Dinosaur) in the same way Al Davis was, but once Al died, the team got even worse (as if that were possible). Long-time Lakers owner Jerry Buss died recently as well, and while I have nothing negative to say about Buss-- I may hate his team, but he actually worked toward winning Championships (except when he got rid of Shaq) -- the team has become absolute shit since he gave up control. Kobe will never win another ring. That team is over, the new guard got there because of who their family is, not because of competence.
So I'm looking forward to the Titans tanking it for the next 50 years. The Colts are there as well-- they have a decent rookie QB, but that means nothing with an inferior team around him and a front office who does not know how to build one. And with Lucas Oil stadium, they don't NEED to build one... asses in seats means a profit. Why improve?
Next week (if there's a next week), March Madness. Oh, and what is this "America 12" shit? Oh, fucking fuck Christ.....
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Why Does College Football Suck?
I'm hoping having a Twitter account and needing something to tweet will actually keep me busy writing this. It's not like there hasn't been bullshit to call out over the last couple of months.
1. West Virginia
To the surprise of everyone but me, WVU tanked their season, despite having Big East level talent and having to play a Big 12 schedule. Kansas State was the surprise here, but the Big East has been completely irredeemable since Miami left. Everything else is just posturing and good scheduling. The TCU win over WVU should prove to the sports world that the Big East and Mountain West are in equal ground, but apparently bringing in one new class of freshman and changing conferences mean a team has been completely revamped. SPOILERS: No.
2. The ACC
Can you believe FSU involved in NCG talk? You're in the ACC. Just by playing in the ACC, your schedule is too weak to stay that high, and if you lose, you fall all the farther (as they did). It's like being in the Pac-12. Or Big East. Or Mountain West.
3. The MAC
Best season all around. Three teams have been ranked at one time or another, and Kent State is ranked for the first time since the early 1970's. Hell, UMass even won a game. But this year will it be the coaches, or the actual schools, that get raided for another conference?
4. The Big Ten
Despite being an academic powerhouse, their football has been questionable at best since 2003. Their only decent team is enduring a post-season ban. Michigan returned to the rankings, which is good, but being ranked #22 in the nation is not exactly a return to national power. Unless you're thinking Louisiana Tech is about to make a run at the national title game.
Which brings us up to this week. Maryland and Rutgers to the Big Ten. The Big Ten Network, made of money like it is, gets to expand into Baltimore and New Jersey. And we can all enjoy the annual football barnburner when Rutgers travels to Lincoln, Nebraska. Heck, Pac-12 vs Big Ten in the Rose Bowl? Whee! Maryland vs Utah. GO TEAM.
.... which assumes Maryland will ever compete, when they have proven they cannot. More teams means it becomes more difficult to rise to the top... Rutgers managed to do it in a terrible Big East (for football) ... meanwhile BE basketball remains among the best in the country, and new additions South Florida continues to suck. Miami basketball continues to suck within the ACC. Etc. It takes money and time, and all the best athletes are going to traditionally better teams in the conference. But HEY. Everyone gets paid. So there's that.
Meanwhile the Big 12 continues to be run by idiots (Hi! I'm Kansas! Texas gets way more money than we do out of this TV deal, and I'M OKAY WITH THIS! *drools on self*).
.....
The above was written a few months ago, apparently I forgot to post it, or else failed to do so, because of Blogspot's new layout. To speak of more recent developments:
The Catholic 7 departing the Big East was only surprising in that it's largely unprecedented. The the leadership of the Big East (if you can call it leadership) decided they wanted to be a football league, which you can do, just not when it would swell the membership to 20+ schools. The WAC grew unchecked in the 1990's, and it topped like a Jenga tower. Which is exactly what happened to the Big East. Which is exactly what I said would happen.
These days the Big East is more WAC than Mountain West. Sure, it has Houston and Memphis, but that's exactly the problem: Those are new additions. Those schools moving to the BE, in a post-BCS world, is a step DOWN. Why bother? Tired of playing UAB? That's cool bro, now you can travel to Connecticut ever year. That makes total sense.
The return of BSU and SDSU to the MWC was also predictable, because without the BCS, they have no reason to stay. As for C-USA, well.. we'll see. That's a whole lot of teams in a league no one cares about, but the same can be said for the 2014 Big East and the 2014 Sun Belt (or 2013, or 2012...). The "highest rated BCS team" gets in the playoffs starting in 2014, but how many years in a row will that be the Mountain West before they change the rules again?
Like you, I can't wait to see.......
.... which assumes Maryland will ever compete, when they have proven they cannot. More teams means it becomes more difficult to rise to the top... Rutgers managed to do it in a terrible Big East (for football) ... meanwhile BE basketball remains among the best in the country, and new additions South Florida continues to suck. Miami basketball continues to suck within the ACC. Etc. It takes money and time, and all the best athletes are going to traditionally better teams in the conference. But HEY. Everyone gets paid. So there's that.
Meanwhile the Big 12 continues to be run by idiots (Hi! I'm Kansas! Texas gets way more money than we do out of this TV deal, and I'M OKAY WITH THIS! *drools on self*).
.....
The above was written a few months ago, apparently I forgot to post it, or else failed to do so, because of Blogspot's new layout. To speak of more recent developments:
The Catholic 7 departing the Big East was only surprising in that it's largely unprecedented. The the leadership of the Big East (if you can call it leadership) decided they wanted to be a football league, which you can do, just not when it would swell the membership to 20+ schools. The WAC grew unchecked in the 1990's, and it topped like a Jenga tower. Which is exactly what happened to the Big East. Which is exactly what I said would happen.
These days the Big East is more WAC than Mountain West. Sure, it has Houston and Memphis, but that's exactly the problem: Those are new additions. Those schools moving to the BE, in a post-BCS world, is a step DOWN. Why bother? Tired of playing UAB? That's cool bro, now you can travel to Connecticut ever year. That makes total sense.
The return of BSU and SDSU to the MWC was also predictable, because without the BCS, they have no reason to stay. As for C-USA, well.. we'll see. That's a whole lot of teams in a league no one cares about, but the same can be said for the 2014 Big East and the 2014 Sun Belt (or 2013, or 2012...). The "highest rated BCS team" gets in the playoffs starting in 2014, but how many years in a row will that be the Mountain West before they change the rules again?
Like you, I can't wait to see.......
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
College Fucking Football
It's harder than I thought to keep up with a sports blog, for a couple of reasons. First of all, the Worldwide Leader (that would be 'ESPN') does such a comprehensive job, even though they don't make any differentiation between a "slow news day" and "an actual story." Second of all, when it comes to opinion pieces, the entire sporting world-- American sporting world, anyway-- is divided into "safe enough to still sell advertising copy" and "stupid as all fucking hell."
So you get what we had here last week. Which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it.
No, but seriously, you get this shit ignored:
1) The FBS does not need a fucking playoff. The problem was, the old system was so terrible, somehow the only alternative anyone could think of was "PLAYOFF DOOD!!!!!111!" which is, of course, only one option out of the literally thousands of things you can do with what is now 122 FBS teams. The most easy solution, again, being "hey LSU, if you're so fucking tough, why do you have to schedule North Texas?"
Yes, I'm a longtime supporter of North Texas, but the spread on that game was FORTY-THREE GODDAMN POINTS. This is like Mike Tyson saying, "See? I'm still the greatest fighter in the world, I just beat the everloving shit out of Justin Bieber." And while I applaud Mike's initiative, that doesn't remotely tune you up for anything.
Also, LSU only won the game by 41-14, a spread of 27 points. Therefore LSU is performing below expectations, therefore they will not win the National Title. I didn't say it.... Vegas did.
2) THE FIX IS IN. Look, both Michigan State and Boise State were ranked in the Top 25 last week (a weekly polling system in which the voters are males between 20something and-107 who don't watch any football games or go to any practices except their own), and hey, when you put two teams on the field against one another, of course there'll be a winner and loser. Duh. Hence the term "competition." But Boise State is one of the best football teams in the nation over the past near-decade, and Michigan State... isn't. The Big Ten as a whole has been falling off for the last ten years, and while on the basketball side of things, a 16-seed beating a 1-seed is still not so likely, THESE ARE TWO EQUALLY MATCHED TEAMS. (Assuming you believe Big Ten football is quality, which I do not). So how is it the minor-conference team always loses? "TCU! Boise State! Houston! You're about to have the season of the century, go undefeated, and play for a national championship, all you have to do is beat one quality opponent and eleven chumps!" ... they keep, consistently, losing to one of the chumps. And before you go saying, "Well, they weren't very good to begin with" .... NEITHER IS THE ENTIRE BIG EAST, ORRRRRR THE ENTIRE ACC. And yet WVU and FSU manage to beat their quality opponent (there is only ever one), and most of their chumps when it counts, every season. WVU and Boise State have been exactly like that, in fact: They were the only decent teams in the conference, all they had to do was not trip over their own shoelaces, and they're in. Boise State is rewarded with a shit bowl game. WVU is rewarded with the Big 12.
3) SDSU and Boise State are gonna be in the Big East. Presumably to get into an auto-BCS league. Then the BCS was replaced. How long to you think before they go back to the MWC? PROTIP: As soon as the exit fee drops below their annual budget for plane tickets.
4) WVU in the top 10 after moving to a conference ten times harder than their old one. This is laughable, and disgusting. And probably WVU was the conference's 19th choice, but you take what's available. Look at their schedule: They place absolutely no one at all outside their conference. They're going to lose every Big 12 game, and finish 4-8 AT BEST. Which will lead to the inevitable headline, "WVU performs below expectations." .... Well, no they fucking didn't. You just had unreasonable expectations that were based on absolutely nothing at all. (they couldn't even consistently win the Big East, and you have them competing for the Big 12 title? YOU ARE STUPID).
5) Everything above, except replace it with Florida State. "Expected to play for a national championship?" Um... you're in the ACC. Over the last five years, the conference champion has AVERAGED a final BCS standing of about 18. GO FUCK YOURSELF, ACC. I'm sure your academics are lovely. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A FOOTBALL TEAM.
If you're in college fantasy football, take the points.
Because if you're getting your information from ESPN, any magazine, or pretty much any media outlet, it's not that they're lying to you, it's just they're getting every piece of information from something they heard someone else say. And no one is actually saying anything.
PREDICTION: Whichever SEC team has the easiest schedule, vs Oregon.
And Peyton Manning is still overrated.
So you get what we had here last week. Which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it.
No, but seriously, you get this shit ignored:
1) The FBS does not need a fucking playoff. The problem was, the old system was so terrible, somehow the only alternative anyone could think of was "PLAYOFF DOOD!!!!!111!" which is, of course, only one option out of the literally thousands of things you can do with what is now 122 FBS teams. The most easy solution, again, being "hey LSU, if you're so fucking tough, why do you have to schedule North Texas?"
Yes, I'm a longtime supporter of North Texas, but the spread on that game was FORTY-THREE GODDAMN POINTS. This is like Mike Tyson saying, "See? I'm still the greatest fighter in the world, I just beat the everloving shit out of Justin Bieber." And while I applaud Mike's initiative, that doesn't remotely tune you up for anything.
Also, LSU only won the game by 41-14, a spread of 27 points. Therefore LSU is performing below expectations, therefore they will not win the National Title. I didn't say it.... Vegas did.
2) THE FIX IS IN. Look, both Michigan State and Boise State were ranked in the Top 25 last week (a weekly polling system in which the voters are males between 20something and-107 who don't watch any football games or go to any practices except their own), and hey, when you put two teams on the field against one another, of course there'll be a winner and loser. Duh. Hence the term "competition." But Boise State is one of the best football teams in the nation over the past near-decade, and Michigan State... isn't. The Big Ten as a whole has been falling off for the last ten years, and while on the basketball side of things, a 16-seed beating a 1-seed is still not so likely, THESE ARE TWO EQUALLY MATCHED TEAMS. (Assuming you believe Big Ten football is quality, which I do not). So how is it the minor-conference team always loses? "TCU! Boise State! Houston! You're about to have the season of the century, go undefeated, and play for a national championship, all you have to do is beat one quality opponent and eleven chumps!" ... they keep, consistently, losing to one of the chumps. And before you go saying, "Well, they weren't very good to begin with" .... NEITHER IS THE ENTIRE BIG EAST, ORRRRRR THE ENTIRE ACC. And yet WVU and FSU manage to beat their quality opponent (there is only ever one), and most of their chumps when it counts, every season. WVU and Boise State have been exactly like that, in fact: They were the only decent teams in the conference, all they had to do was not trip over their own shoelaces, and they're in. Boise State is rewarded with a shit bowl game. WVU is rewarded with the Big 12.
3) SDSU and Boise State are gonna be in the Big East. Presumably to get into an auto-BCS league. Then the BCS was replaced. How long to you think before they go back to the MWC? PROTIP: As soon as the exit fee drops below their annual budget for plane tickets.
4) WVU in the top 10 after moving to a conference ten times harder than their old one. This is laughable, and disgusting. And probably WVU was the conference's 19th choice, but you take what's available. Look at their schedule: They place absolutely no one at all outside their conference. They're going to lose every Big 12 game, and finish 4-8 AT BEST. Which will lead to the inevitable headline, "WVU performs below expectations." .... Well, no they fucking didn't. You just had unreasonable expectations that were based on absolutely nothing at all. (they couldn't even consistently win the Big East, and you have them competing for the Big 12 title? YOU ARE STUPID).
5) Everything above, except replace it with Florida State. "Expected to play for a national championship?" Um... you're in the ACC. Over the last five years, the conference champion has AVERAGED a final BCS standing of about 18. GO FUCK YOURSELF, ACC. I'm sure your academics are lovely. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE A FOOTBALL TEAM.
If you're in college fantasy football, take the points.
Because if you're getting your information from ESPN, any magazine, or pretty much any media outlet, it's not that they're lying to you, it's just they're getting every piece of information from something they heard someone else say. And no one is actually saying anything.
PREDICTION: Whichever SEC team has the easiest schedule, vs Oregon.
And Peyton Manning is still overrated.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Free Sean Payton!
I, for one, am shocked.... SHOCKED... that there's violence in football.
Gary Payton? Coach of the New Orleans Saints? Suspended for putting out hits on other players. Being as how I've never once in my life watched a documentary about an NFL game, I've certainly never seen footage of other players with numbers written on towels or equipment, indicating who they were going to take out.
I've certainly NEVER seen any sort of violent tackle or serious injury on the football field.
Seriously, Goodell. I'm trying to stand by you, because you're someone who actually wants the job, as opposed to David Stern, who just wants to rule the world, or Bud Selig, who died in 2003. But you are SERIOUSLY causing me problems here.
That, plus the fact that there's nothing but golf coverage on ESPN until sometime around the MLB All-Star Game, makes me A LITTLE BIT GUY-CRANKY.
Seriously. It's not the fact that I'm in Seattle that's going to force me into soccer... it's THIS SHIT.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Isiah Thomas Can Kiss My Natural Black Ass
So I'm aware that the Sun Belt Conference isn't exactly on anyone's radar, but as a graduate of North Texas, I get the following link in my inbox today:
Tony Mitchell, a player from North Texas, is mentioned. This is great for him and for the team-- North Texas has strung together nearly a half-dozen 20-win season in a row, which is impressive no matter what conference your team is in. The issue is the other part of it.
Dominique Ferguson, a player for the Florida International Golden Panthers, is no doubt a rather talented player, to attract the attention of the journalist. What I can't figure out is how he was recruited by Isiah Tomas, who is a fucking terrible basketball coach.
Maybe there were financial considerations and he couldn't go to school any further away. Maybe they just had the best scholarship. I grant all these, or perhaps other possibilities I'm not privy too. All fine. Excellent student, and FIU is a fine institution of higher learning.
But their basketball team does happen to suck ass. They can't win games. They have not won even ten games since Thomas took over, and he's entering his third season. You don't see any articles written on star players for the North Florida Ospreys, or the Centenary Gentlemen, or the Montana State Bobcats, so what makes the Panthers a big deal? There are 12 basketball playing members in that conference, and FIU ranks about 10th.
Just because you're really good at one thing, does not mean you're good at all things. Al Pacino is a great actor, but I would not trust him to perform my surgery. Jane Goodall has been studying chimps for half a century, if she offered to fix my car I'd decline, but certainly invite her in for tea. Isiah Thomas was a great basketball player, but he can't fucking coach. He failed at the professional level-- which happens, Pete Carroll is a terrible pro-coach as well-- but where Pete Carroll excelled as an educator, Isiah Tomas is a fucking terrible coach.
Please take this under advisement when you read any articles about him, which ESPN will no doubt publish on a slow news day.
xoxo
Sun Belt Bob
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
HOUSTON ASTROS ... It's Not You, It's ... Okay It's You
Hello, 0 readers. Two months between entries is a long time, especially considering (1), my nerdy-type blog has been neglected even longer, and (2) It's fucking COLLEGE FOOTBALL season, which I go apeshit for. Personally I just spent eight weeks wondering why West Virginia was so goddamn overrated, then they lost to Syracuse and proved me right. There is no megaphone big enough to express my mockery for the Big East. They died 6 years ago and they just keep clinging, like some horribly decaying zombie, or Al Davis.
Post-Halloween, instead of hatred, I have mere sadness to communicate, larger than the peaks and valleys of various teams and conferences in football, or the fact that the overrated Indianapolis Colts have been exposed by how shit they actually are-- cut off the head, and the body dies, apparently.
I've only got a handful of entries here, but the first was to do with my sports history, starting with being taken to baseball games with my dad in Houston, in the early 80's and then throughout my life. This blog is not about my Dad, who I assure you is alive and healthy.
HOUSTON ASTROS.................. It's not you, it's me.
You challenged for the pennant hard in the 80's, winning your division in 1980 and 1986, and coming so close to many other times. You always won more games than you lost, you were in the thick of it, you made me believe and gave me something to follow and cheer for during my formative years in H-Town.
Then the 90's came. You were sold to a cafeteria food peddler named Drayton McClane, and while initially the wins continued, a disturbing trend was forming. There were no national stars like Mike Scott or Nolan Ryan, there were only farm club guys coming up and contributing, "trying to find talent in the farm system" as the press releases said. Which would be fine, if you had found an exceptionally talented guy and made a movie star out of him. This is not what happened.
Talented guys would do well, and be traded for cash, or more mediocre guys. Hunter Pence, Roy Oswalt, Willy Taveras, Brad Lidge... these were guys who were going to take us to the Promised Land. To you, Mr. McClane, it was just numbers on a page. X is valued at A, Y is valued at B, so sell X ad Y and also charge more for beer and shitty tacos while you're at it.
NO THANK YOU. At long last our national nightmare is over, nobody in your family was interested in your scheme, and you relinquished control of the team you stuffed into a tiny shoebox downtown, of the team you were only happy to welcome Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite to, until you actually had to pay them. Jeff Kent left the same way. You tight-fisted money grubbing Republican. You get points for keeping the team in Houston, yes, but other than that, you have curried no favors with anyone. World Series? Well done. The Texas Rangers just went to two of them and that team has been bad since 1968. Getting to the World Series isn't hard. You just have to be patient, and actually want it, instead of just wanting good seats and a financial return on your investment.
The Astros have been sold to some new guy, and the change is instantaneous-- we lost over 100 games this year. This is the first time I can remember this happening in ... decades. The stadium sucks and is hard to get to. It's tiny. It's not in a convenient location, and to make matters worse, I live in Seattle, where an identically shaped field still has room for wider concourses and better food. What the hell is my motivation, Houston Astros? I've stuck up for you for years and years, and all the players I truly believed would live forever, from Jose Cruz and Kevin Bass in the 80's, through Bagwell and Biggio in the 90's and 00's... and oh yeah, Lance Berkman before he got too expensive...
All gone. You don't give a shit. You're in a red state, making money is more important than winning trophies, because you can't spend a trophy. I expect this from owners of the Cowboys and Rangers and the pre-Cuban Mavericks, but YOU? You're supposed to be the cool one, Houston. You're supposed to set the tone. You have the most people, Dallas just has a rodeo and a couple dozen suburbs. I expected more of you. I was RAISED... expecting more from you. And in 31 years, from 1980 on, you did not deliver. Or even give a fuck.
I love baseball. I still do. I love the players, and the stats, and how every pitch brings with it the possibilities, the excitement of watching the ball snapped on a first down, or an inbounds pass in basketball or even soccer. Three up and three down. How it's happened since the 19th century.
But there's only so many times a good friend can fail before you have to give up. Recognize that they are their own worst enemy, and wash your hands of them. Not the first, or the third, or even the fifth time they call you from the police station, or from the unemployment line, or from Oklahoma... but eventually, you just learn better. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me seventeen times... shame on me.
I cannot follow these fresh-faced, naive guys, just happy to be on an MLB squad and making the league minimum six figures a year. Good for them. Whatever. Nothing will ever come of this, and if it does, it won't be in that shitty ballpark, with your naive lazy owner. I've moved on, and while I surely don't wish you to die, I certainly can't watch you suffer anymore.
Goodbye, Houston Astros. I gave you everything I could, and it just wasn't enough. I wish you well. You, and the National League... get the hell out of my office. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. I respect that neither of you have a designated hitter, but it's just not enough for me. Beyone this one saving grace....
You really do suck.
Warmest Personal Regards,
AJW
Houston Resident, 1975-1999
Texas Resident, 1975-2007
Post-Halloween, instead of hatred, I have mere sadness to communicate, larger than the peaks and valleys of various teams and conferences in football, or the fact that the overrated Indianapolis Colts have been exposed by how shit they actually are-- cut off the head, and the body dies, apparently.
I've only got a handful of entries here, but the first was to do with my sports history, starting with being taken to baseball games with my dad in Houston, in the early 80's and then throughout my life. This blog is not about my Dad, who I assure you is alive and healthy.
HOUSTON ASTROS.................. It's not you, it's me.
You challenged for the pennant hard in the 80's, winning your division in 1980 and 1986, and coming so close to many other times. You always won more games than you lost, you were in the thick of it, you made me believe and gave me something to follow and cheer for during my formative years in H-Town.
Then the 90's came. You were sold to a cafeteria food peddler named Drayton McClane, and while initially the wins continued, a disturbing trend was forming. There were no national stars like Mike Scott or Nolan Ryan, there were only farm club guys coming up and contributing, "trying to find talent in the farm system" as the press releases said. Which would be fine, if you had found an exceptionally talented guy and made a movie star out of him. This is not what happened.
Talented guys would do well, and be traded for cash, or more mediocre guys. Hunter Pence, Roy Oswalt, Willy Taveras, Brad Lidge... these were guys who were going to take us to the Promised Land. To you, Mr. McClane, it was just numbers on a page. X is valued at A, Y is valued at B, so sell X ad Y and also charge more for beer and shitty tacos while you're at it.
NO THANK YOU. At long last our national nightmare is over, nobody in your family was interested in your scheme, and you relinquished control of the team you stuffed into a tiny shoebox downtown, of the team you were only happy to welcome Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite to, until you actually had to pay them. Jeff Kent left the same way. You tight-fisted money grubbing Republican. You get points for keeping the team in Houston, yes, but other than that, you have curried no favors with anyone. World Series? Well done. The Texas Rangers just went to two of them and that team has been bad since 1968. Getting to the World Series isn't hard. You just have to be patient, and actually want it, instead of just wanting good seats and a financial return on your investment.
The Astros have been sold to some new guy, and the change is instantaneous-- we lost over 100 games this year. This is the first time I can remember this happening in ... decades. The stadium sucks and is hard to get to. It's tiny. It's not in a convenient location, and to make matters worse, I live in Seattle, where an identically shaped field still has room for wider concourses and better food. What the hell is my motivation, Houston Astros? I've stuck up for you for years and years, and all the players I truly believed would live forever, from Jose Cruz and Kevin Bass in the 80's, through Bagwell and Biggio in the 90's and 00's... and oh yeah, Lance Berkman before he got too expensive...
All gone. You don't give a shit. You're in a red state, making money is more important than winning trophies, because you can't spend a trophy. I expect this from owners of the Cowboys and Rangers and the pre-Cuban Mavericks, but YOU? You're supposed to be the cool one, Houston. You're supposed to set the tone. You have the most people, Dallas just has a rodeo and a couple dozen suburbs. I expected more of you. I was RAISED... expecting more from you. And in 31 years, from 1980 on, you did not deliver. Or even give a fuck.
I love baseball. I still do. I love the players, and the stats, and how every pitch brings with it the possibilities, the excitement of watching the ball snapped on a first down, or an inbounds pass in basketball or even soccer. Three up and three down. How it's happened since the 19th century.
But there's only so many times a good friend can fail before you have to give up. Recognize that they are their own worst enemy, and wash your hands of them. Not the first, or the third, or even the fifth time they call you from the police station, or from the unemployment line, or from Oklahoma... but eventually, you just learn better. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me seventeen times... shame on me.
I cannot follow these fresh-faced, naive guys, just happy to be on an MLB squad and making the league minimum six figures a year. Good for them. Whatever. Nothing will ever come of this, and if it does, it won't be in that shitty ballpark, with your naive lazy owner. I've moved on, and while I surely don't wish you to die, I certainly can't watch you suffer anymore.
Goodbye, Houston Astros. I gave you everything I could, and it just wasn't enough. I wish you well. You, and the National League... get the hell out of my office. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. I respect that neither of you have a designated hitter, but it's just not enough for me. Beyone this one saving grace....
You really do suck.
Warmest Personal Regards,
AJW
Houston Resident, 1975-1999
Texas Resident, 1975-2007
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